The Friday Martini

From Cafe Tuscano in Pocatello, Idaho.

""Why don't you get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini?" -- A Few Favorite Quotes

The "Zen" Martini

It seems everyone has an opinion on martinis -- pro and con, good and bad. But some of the very best quotes come from writers and celebrities who love the martini.

A few of my favorites:

Sir Patrick Stewart: (In response to the question “What is your favorite cocktail?") 

"A martini with Old Raj gin and very important, one olive. Who knew that you must never put an even number of olives in a martini glass. My son told me that martini drinkers are superstitious about even numbers of olives.”

James Thurber: 

"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough."

Dorothy Parker: 

"I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.”

HL Mencken: 

"Martinis are the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet.”

PG Wodehouse: 

“He was white and shaken, like a dry martini"

PJ O’Roarke: 

“Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.”

'Hawkeye' Pierce (character on M*A*S*H): 

"I'm pursuing my lifelong quest for the perfect, the absolutely driest martini to be found in this or any other world. And I think I may have hit upon the perfect formula. You pour six jiggers of gin, and you drink it while staring at a picture of Lorenzo Schwartz, the inventor of vermouth."

Sir Winston Churchill, who when once asked how much vermouth he would like in his drink:

"I would like to observe the vermouth from across the room while I drink my martini."

Oh, and the title quote -- comes to us via Robert Benchley, reportedly quoting his friend and fellow actor Charles Butterworth.

Advanced Mixology

"He was white and shaken -- like a dry martini." - P.G. Wodehouse


There are, in most modern bars, certain sounds which add -- or detract -- to the ambience.

The pop of a champagne cork, or pull from a bottle of still wine. That's a good one.

A blender making margaritas. Could be good, as long as it doesn't seem to be a new percussion instrument for the live band in the corner. That would be bad.

The gentle glug of a beer as it's poured from the tap.

And, of course, the sound of ice being dropped in a metal shaker, and the subsequent rhythmical shaking of it.

So imagine the silence in some of the most modern martini bars where the drinks are never shaken, and only rarely stirred. 007 would be aghast, but as he noted in a very amusing line in the 2006 version of the Bond movie Casino Royale -- "Do I look like I give a damn?"

But the fact of the matter is that a few places have gone the extra mile with their martini service, and shaking may be going by the wayside as consumers learn that an unshaken martini may indeed be the b
etter tasting one. 

Among the most innovative is the "10 Minute Martini" as created by Chandler's Restaurant in Boise, Idaho. Invented purely by accident -- well, sort of -- it was a busy customer who gave them the incentive to create this very smooth as tasty variation on the shaken martini. Ten minutes in the freezer and it's ready to go -- all of the flavors, gently introduced, have a chance to cool down and gel together. You don't get the slight dilution of the gin or vodka which occurs in a shaken or even stirred drink. 

As a result the vermouth softens a bit, and makes for a smoother infiltration of flavors with the primary liquor. 

Another mixing method which is gaining favor is the at-table infusion. A new and popular bar accessory these days is the Vermouth Spritzer. I first encountered this at Sharps RoastHouse adjacent to SeaTac Airport in Washington. I was doing some reading at the bar table and had made my usual vodka martini order and was waiting for the "shake shake shake" when the waiter reappeared at the table, set down the martini glass and spritzed the vermouth lightly into the glass before pouring in the unshaken vodka. I quickly realized that the bartender had simply filled the shaker with ice, added the vodka and let it chill as the waiter walked from the bar to the table. He held the ice back with a cocktail strainer, and was done. No fuss, no muss.

And, as with the 10 Minute Martini, the result was a much smoother and more gentle concoction. The single spritz of vermouth was perfect -- I prefer my martinis very dry, often telling the bartenders to read the label on the vermouth bottle as they add the olives. If you like them a bit "wetter", two spritzes will do you. (Ignoring for the moment that the earliest martinis were roughly 20%, almost nobody makes them that way these days, and I approve.)

I'm seriously considering getting myself a spritzer for my home bar, but since 98% of my martinis are consumed in restaurants, night clubs and bars, it would be infrequently used. At best. Then again, I should be able to make them at home...and I'm thinking maybe I ought to combine the two methods together and create the ten minute spritzed martini.

Or maybe just tell you about it and let YOU experiment. We do, after all deserve our hobbies.

Cheers.

A very dry martini

THOSE GLASSES

"To this day, the exact origins of the Martini glass are hazy, and the vessel comes with its own apocryphal lore." - Sipsmith.com

The “classic” martini glass, with its iconic wide bowl tapering evenly down to a long stem and base, is an essential part of enjoying both the taste — and the ambience — of the drink. There’s something very cool about the simple design and appearance of the glass, denoting, as it does, a particular kind of drink being consumed. A broad cone shape — of the sort that used to give me heartburn in Algebra — nested atop a wine stem and base. Elegantly simple, with clean lines and structure.

It isn’t an ice-filled tumbler and yet all martinis need to be served ice-cold. It isn’t a wine glass, though is essentially the same from the waist down. It isn’t a snifter, though performs some of the same olfactory service as does the broader and squatter snifter.

Very festive

Anyone who has watched a waiter or waitress struggle with the delivery of a martini (or drink served in a martini glass) knows that it isn’t the most motion-friendly structure in the bar. Its wide mouth and conic shape are given to easy spillage if too much lateral motion occurs. (If I almost sound as if I’m describing an earthquake — in a way, I am. Or tsunami at least.) Any number of times I’ve had some form of spillage, ranging from a slight slop over the brim to a full on rim-clearing tidal wave.

But the martini glass does what it is supposed to, which is give the drink a particular look, as well as letting the consumer taste the gin or vodka properly. The scent of gin is subtle yet present. Vodka is nearly odorless, though the common thought that it is completely odorless is incorrect. It’s quite subdued, but there.

Of course in todays modern bar many more drinks, and a few appetizers, are served in the classic glass. The explosion of “-tini” drinks has been a cottage industry for some years now, and will likely continue for some time. Martini-specific bars are all the rage, though the vast majority of their concoctions are mere nods to the gin original and its vodka successor.

(As I discuss elsewhere, a gin martini is the original, with vodka being the acceptable variation. Or the Vesper, which is gin AND vodka, but that’s a whole different story.)

But not all establishments follow the trend. As can be seen in my CHASING MARTINIS collection, many places use the squat-based variation on the classic glass (right). It has a couple of things about it which are commendable, such as the greater balance control, but lacks the primary benefit of the longer stem. The stem of a martini glass, or wine glasses in general, is to allow the drink to remain cool for as long as possible. The best martinis, as I noted above, are served ice-cold and should remain that way for as long as possible. By grasping the bowl of the glass your hand increases the temperature of the gin (or vodka), thereby affecting the sensation and flavor of the drink. (The same thing occurs in wine, with the exception of brandy. The brandy snifter actively encourages the drinker to warm the drink with their hand. For other wines and most martinis this is wrong.)

Plastic?

Another variation, more out of necessity than design, is the tendency for some places to serve in wine glasses (left). Some restaurants and bars — despite being fully-stocked liquor establishments — keep tumblers and wine glasses, but none of the fancier glassware the most sophisticated places will stock. Although it’s an interesting item photogenically (see opposite) it really doesn’t enhance the drink. And, in most cases, is done to increase profits since the average wine glass used is a smaller pour than would be a full-sized martini glass.

Where's the salt?

(A note on this: martini glasses have increased in size over the years. Like any consumer food product I guess. References to a “three-martini lunch” make a lot more sense when you realize that martini glasses in the ‘fifties and ‘sixties were roughly half the size of our full pours today. Three modern martinis would certainly leave most people incapable of coherently returning to work, and most work environments strongly discourage that sort of behavior in any case.)

The last variation I have heard about is to use other kinds of stemware, ranging from the wide-saucer champagne glasses to — I kid you not — margarita glasses (left). I see no issue from a taste standpoint, though the margarita glass was certainly a surprise. For me, if there is no martini glass available, the champagne glass would be the second choice, with the wine and margarita glasses coming in a far-back third.

Just...no...

And yes. Precisely once I have been served a martini in a tumbler. At the Owl and Thistle in Seattle (right). Fortunately by round two they found a real glass...

But regardless of how it’s served, the martini’s mystique is still something special. No matter what the glassware, it’s always something to be seen and enjoyed, making any evening something fun and little bit more sophisticated.

Just make sure you photograph it on the first round…

"Third Martini"