""Why don't you get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini?" -- A Few Favorite Quotes

The "Zen" Martini

It seems everyone has an opinion on martinis -- pro and con, good and bad. But some of the very best quotes come from writers and celebrities who love the martini.

A few of my favorites:

Sir Patrick Stewart: (In response to the question “What is your favorite cocktail?") 

"A martini with Old Raj gin and very important, one olive. Who knew that you must never put an even number of olives in a martini glass. My son told me that martini drinkers are superstitious about even numbers of olives.”

James Thurber: 

"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough."

Dorothy Parker: 

"I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.”

HL Mencken: 

"Martinis are the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet.”

PG Wodehouse: 

“He was white and shaken, like a dry martini"

PJ O’Roarke: 

“Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.”

'Hawkeye' Pierce (character on M*A*S*H): 

"I'm pursuing my lifelong quest for the perfect, the absolutely driest martini to be found in this or any other world. And I think I may have hit upon the perfect formula. You pour six jiggers of gin, and you drink it while staring at a picture of Lorenzo Schwartz, the inventor of vermouth."

Sir Winston Churchill, who when once asked how much vermouth he would like in his drink:

"I would like to observe the vermouth from across the room while I drink my martini."

Oh, and the title quote -- comes to us via Robert Benchley, reportedly quoting his friend and fellow actor Charles Butterworth.